Why Toxic Relations Take Longer to Get Over
Relationships are the essence and very core of life. The most confusing and depressing aspects of breakups are who we end up taking the longest time to overcome it. Why, for example, does it become easy to bounce back from parting ways with a wonderful and genuinely kind and loving partner you considered a good friend than someone who had virtually no redeeming qualities?
Have you ever thought why are the people who are mean, selfish, manipulative, spirited and dishonest – obviously bad and full of negativity in every way – sometimes the hardest to even get over? We find it a lot easy to be hard on ourselves and also wish to speed up the process of healing some reasons keep you hooked to a toxic relationship for a long time.
Here we bring to you 4 signs indicating that why you cannot overcome from the past and move forward in life.
Your ex leaves no stone unturned to ensure “you” are the culprit
After such a long period of the relationship and a roller coaster ride that you went through, you might think that you are the reason for break up, or that the things could have worked out. Being attentive, loving and caring can make it appear as if there is some piece to the puzzle missing and that it would hold you from seeing the nastier and scarier side of your ex.
This is exactly the time when you should remind yourself of what all has been happening. It is important to realize and understand that no one can tolerate another person to act and behave in a certain way. And, if the partner has acted abusively, they have crossed a boundary damaging the very essence of a relationship. Trusting that the same will not happen again becomes difficult.
Breaking up is a threat and it happens suddenly
One of the most common patterns and themes in a toxic relationship is the abusive partner threatening of break up of every time there is a fixable or minor problem. It often makes you feel being unstable with them. However, the actual break up can arise out-of-nowhere leaving you surprised and throwing you to a never-ending mental loop.
When a relationship comes to an end abruptly, it leaves you to several questions – what went wrong? Why it even happened? This only affects your ability to get into a new relationship. Having no answer to the reason for a sudden break up makes the entire scenario all the worse.
You start seeing yourself at fault and thus are not able to enter a new bond. That is why talked through break up, even though might be hard, can make you feel emotionally and mentally less devastating than a sudden one without any warning. With several unanswered questions, both during and after break up, moving on with a past relationship takes a lot of time.
Your self-esteem is at stake
Being in an abusive relationship for a long time can take a toll on your self-esteem. No wonder dating a person who constantly treats you poorly can set you thinking – do I deserve it?
You will crush your feelings and emotions of self-worth in the entire process. In a controlling abusive relationship, the abused significant other often lose a bond not only with their family and friends but with themselves too due to putting downs for things that they might be enjoying doing. For example – being made to feel bad for enjoying watching a particular television show or series could cause a partner to feel uncertain of themselves and things they do and not wish to reveal that aspect to others.
Being taunted for your friends, hobbies, outfits, friendships, body, career goals and the list goes on is supposed to bring your morale down and think that you are so fortunate this person can even love and care for you Even after a breakup, it will take a while to reconnect and rebuild with everything and everyone you used to admire and love, so be patient and enduring to yourself.
Good times of the relationship feel incredible enough to mask lows
Staying with an emotionally abusive person is not easy. Such people usually pretend to be good at the beginning. You share so many tender and wonderful moments that make it difficult to believe that this person who was so much loving and caring can also be horrible and terrible at the same time.
If the relationship, right from the beginning, were only exclusive abusive, there is no doubt that the one would tolerate and live with that particular type of behaviour. As mentioned above, it becomes hard to believe that such a loving person can cause intense emotional, mental and physical damage. It is often that toxic relationships have a different beginning – love bombing – you are cared for like anything.
Things move at superfast pace and you feel being fanatically admired round the clock. You might feel like a reinforcement of everything – every romantic novel and movie ever told about, and you might confuse it with finding a soulmate.
Once actually conflicts and issues start, things end up taking a drastic turn through stonewalling, name-calling and the aggressive unwillingness of the abusive partner to be ever wrong. However, as soon as the fight gets over, you are broke down crying, the abuser would walk to you, apologize profusely and fabricate a new story and a honeymoon period.
Chances are that you will feel that the worst is over. Hang on, only till it happens again. According to experts, it is a trauma bond. Overcoming such a bond is all the more difficult because of all the emotions associated with this partner.
Yes, overcoming an unhealthy relationship might appear to be the longest stretch of your life. But isn’t it better to end a toxic relationship and move for a better and new life?