The superficial and overblown sense of purity and perfectness associated with the idea of Marriage is a myth. Elementally, Marriage is an isolated space in which two individuals should explore each other from soul to attire, and blend each other’s virtues and vices.
So many wise men and women have written books on how to make a marriage work. Some of this wisdom is surely based on facts and logic, but a large portion of it is based on certain myths too.
Let’s discuss some of the myths that might be affecting your marriage, which is one of the oldest institutions in the world.
That having common interests is always a healthy sign for a marriage
Go to any dating or matchmaking site, and the first thing they ask you is to write down your interest areas. Based on that, they search for your potential partner. This approach is based on a wrong notion that having common interests is more important in a marriage than having intimacy or sexual compatibility.
Though in a marriage, it’s the quality of interaction that matters, and not really the things that a couple do together, happily or otherwise. The important question here is, how many productive or negative interactions a couple is having in everyday situations? The answer will give you a clear picture of the equation between them.
For example, just think of a married couple that enjoys Kayaking. Both of them take their kayaks and go to a lake. This being their interest area, they seem to enjoy the excursion at an individual level. But when it comes to interacting with each other, they only criticize and belittle each other over paddling skills.
Do you believe all is good between them? In all probability, it’s not. Surely there is a lack of communication and neither of them is willing to address it.
That a couple should never to bed angry
It’s kind of a cliché that a dispute or an argument shouldn’t be taken to the bed, and couples should make merry before they doze off. This is the reason why couples try to resolve their issues in a hurry and fail to reach rational conclusions.
In most of the cases, such issues keep on reoccurring and bring instability in a marriage. Many types of research indicate that around two-thirds of such issues are never resolved because of personality differences.
So how to handle such situations?
The trick is to stretch the duration of your argument, to first turn it into a discussion and then finally resolve it. First of all, don’t try to tone down the intensity of your thoughts, but yes, try to tone down your anger. Just divert your mind by reading a book for about an hour, and resume your conversation.
Once you do that, your body relaxes physiologically, and you can then communicate rationally. So, the next time you have an argument with your spouse, don’t be in a hurry to resolve it. Patience will give you fruitful results.
That affairs are the biggest instigators of divorce
Well, affairs can completely destroy the foundation of a relationship. That said, are affairs really the reason why people file for a divorce? Not always. Many times, an extramarital affair results from a lack of intimacy and intent in a marriage.
This lack of intimacy and intent is what really lays the ground for a divorce. According to various surveys, around 80 per cent of people believes that a feeling of loneliness was the primary reason for their separation. Such a feeling is extremely unhealthy for a marriage and forces one of the partners to indulge in an affair. Divorce is just an overdue outcome.
I hope this write-up will give you a better perspective on your marriage. I hope you will stay away from such myths and will take your marriage to a healthier direction.